Bifocals are God's way of saying, "Keep your chin up!" - Matt Wohlfarth
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you." -Steven Wright
I'm comfortable in my own skin. Why shouldn't I be? It's not that tight of a fit. - Martha Bolton
I saw an ad for burial plots and thought to myself, "This is the last thing I need."
Get ready for back to school... Johnny: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do? Teacher: Of course not. Johnny: Good, because I didn’t do my homework.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from the internet to see which came first.
From Reader's Digest.... Driving my car one afternoon, I rolled through a stop sign. I was pulled over by a police officer, who recognized me as a former English teacher. 'Mrs. Brown,' he said, 'those stop signs are periods, not commas.'